Some mean-spirited clowns had been seen in the hometown of Jerry Watson, who was not afraid of clowns. To his friends, and anyone else within listening distance, Jerry bragged, "If a so-called evil clown tried to scare me, I'd just laugh. That's a clown's purpose, right? To make people laugh, you know? Laugh at a scary clown, and they'd likely laugh with you, or just get bored and go away." Word of Jerry's bragging spread throughout the town. By Halloween, the bad seeds in town decided to test his bravado.
All day long on October 31st, Jerry was approached by clowns with purposely frightening makeup. Some were zombie clowns, with prostheses that made them appear to be decomposing. Others were surgeon clowns, or butcher clowns, which made little sense to Jerry, giving him all the more reason to laugh them off. Others dressed as the title characters from the cult movie, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, which Jerry had seen (and laughed at) numerous times in his youth. Try as they might, in the end, Jerry kept his word, laughing until they all wandered off to haunt someone with less of an iron constitution.
In the early evening, Jerry decided to mock his attackers by taking it one step further. He walked into a pharmacy and down the aisle of clearance Halloween costumes, accessories, and makeup. Though there were few costumes left, he found a cone hat, a makeup kit, and a polka-dot vest. "Perfect," he exclaimed.
Jerry showed up at the party dressed as Pagliacci, the sad opera clown. His friends who recognized him got a good laugh. This was exactly what Jerry was going for. "See? You take the concept of a clown, make him not look scary, and people laugh. So when you look at those clowns," he said, gesturing toward a crowd of scary jesters, "you just think of them as another sad clown and laugh!" The clowns to whom he gestured, of course, were not amused.
The party carried on for hours, until its host declared that it was time to go home... but that those who had been drinking would have to leave their keys behind and contact Uber. It was nearly midnight when the party ended. Soon Halloween would be gone, but there was still time for one last scare.
As Jerry walked out of his friend's home, he grabbed a moist towelette and wiped the clown makeup from his face. He did this as he exited, therefore he wasn't paying much attention to where he was walking. As he turned the corner and took a few steps, still wiping his face, he realized he was in a dark alley. He turned to go back the way he had come, only to see a crowd of angry clowns. These were the same clowns he had embarrassed throughout the day. A chill ran down his spine as he realized he had no way out except through the menacing clowns.
Though he felt a tinge of fear, Jerry decided to try his earlier strategy. He smiled, though halfheartedly. The remaining traces of grease paint on his face made it look more like a grimace of pain. "Hey, guys. You know, another Halloween has come and gone, and you so-called evil clowns have gotten your thrills. But as you know, I'm not scared, so you're wasting your time. And it's midnight! Halloween's over!"
One clown held out his mobile device, the screen of which read 11:58 PM. "Not quite," he said.
"Well," Jerry stammered, "you have to admit that, inherently, clowns are funny. They spray each other in the face with seltzer bottles, get into pie fights, cram inside tiny cars, make balloon animals... It's kids' stuff! They're just not scary!" He wasn't convincing this time.
The spokesman held up a knife with a serrated blade. There appeared to be a crust of blood on the edge. "Are you scared yet?" He then lunged forward and stabbed his intended victim.
Jerry screamed in a high pitch as he pissed in his pants. His tormentors noticed... and began laughing.
The clowns' spokesman slowly pulled back the knife... with its retractable blade. Some of the other leaving party goers, all friends of Jerry's, had run toward the alley to see where the scream had emanated. They began laughing along with the clowns. The stab wound had been a harmless poke, and Jerry was uninjured, except for his pride.
Nearby, a clock tower chimed midnight. "That wasn't funny," Jerry said through panicked gasps.
"You're right," one of the clowns said. "It was hilarious!" They all laughed... except Jerry, who would never laugh at a clown again, not even at the ridiculous Killer Klowns from Outer Space.