I'm not sure WHY I never emotionally matured beyond fifteen... Hormones, maybe? Mental illness? ("Present!") I think it might be what Hunter S. Thompson called fear and loathing, for lack of a better term. Fear of change, and self-loathing stemming from deep issues reaching all the way back to puberty. I've only recently identified my sexuality (or lack thereof), which is likely the root of my problems.
I've always been labeled queer, even though I'm not gay. I can safely claim asexuality after several hetero misfires... even though I HATE that term as a human sexual identity. "Asexual" is a biology term referring to an organism that can reproduce without a partner. Science may now be able to fill in the gaps, but I have no desire to reproduce. I'm now finally content to know that it's acceptable to be fine with being alone.
So yeah... twenty-three years since 1994, the year I turned fifteen. Kurt Cobain's death certainly didn't stunt my emotional growth; I think that's just a coincidence. The truth is that fear and discomfort in my own skin (or whatever you want to call it) kept me there for twenty-three years. Now? It's like Dan Aykroyd's character said in Tommy Boy. Identifying the problem is the first step to solving it. (Paraphrasing, I think.) If that's the first step, I have to figure out what the next step is.
As for Kurt Cobain, I listened to a collection of my favorite Nirvana songs last night, as I often do. And, with my "Forever Fifteen" dilemma on its way to closure, I can finally admit... that Foo Fighters is the better band. But, we'd have no Foo Fighters without Nirvana, and their contribution to music is still a force to be reckoned with. There's not much sense in wondering what twenty-three more years of Nirvana may have brought, but I think the short life of the band and the evolution of Dave Grohl is what makes them so valuable to music history.
I don't know what a fifty-year-old Kurt Cobain would've been like... but I'm curious to see what a thirty-eight-year-old Roy Hudson is going to be like.
(No longer) Forever Fifteen (I hope)