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Crime-Fighters Anonymous, so far

2/26/2013

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                                                          Crime Fighters Anonymous

                                                                 By Roy Hudson

Characters:

BRIAN MARCY is a nineteen-year-old Caucasian boy with a tall slender frame and shaggy brown hair. He has green eyes and an honest face. He often wears a hooded sweatshirt.

BART JEFFERSON JR., affectionately known as BAT, is a short and muscular Caucasian man with a shaved head and dark eyes. Twenty-nine years old, he has jailhouse tattoos on his arms, one bearing the name of his deceased sister, Candy, and one of a circling pack of vultures near his palm. Although not open with his lifestyle casually, he is homosexual.

DOUG SUNDLEY is a slightly overweight African-American man in his late thirties with short dark hair. He works as a refuse collector (he prefers that term over “garbage man”) and wears coveralls most of the time.

LARRY GRISSOM, a sixty-year-old Caucasian man, has a no-nonsense haircut (gray) and a matching demeanor. He usually wears the greens of the United States Army, including camouflage pants and a heavy green coat.

JERRY ORLANDO is a very non-descript Caucasian male. Mid-thirties, brown eyes and sandy hair cut short. In addition to being the vigilante known as CONSEQUENCE, he is also a vampire. He can fly, is impervious to bullets, knives, and most other weapons.

ELRICH DARNELL is the leader of the new Anti-Vigilante Squad, targeting Consequence and anyone who may have information leading to his capture. Forty-seven years old, he is a white Caucasian. Darnell is bespectacled, with lenses so thick you cannot see his eyes, and wears a gray fedora and black suit. He is of medium height, and scrawny. He is very weak physically.

DIRK RAD, aka LEAD VOCALS, is also a white Caucasian in his late twenties, and is a radio disc jockey who moonlights as an armed robber. He is enlisted by Darnell to lure Consequence and the CFA into a trap. He has spiky blond hair and wears flamboyant clothing to hint at his love of heavy metal.

DETECTIVE LORRAINE DUTCH is a friend of Larry who looks out for the Crime Fighters Anonymous when Darnell comes sniffing. She is a round African-American in her late fifties, with a haircut that seems to mimic that of Betty Rubble.

PERCUSSION (the big brawny bald member), BASS (the hairy dark-haired member), GUITAR (shaggy blond member), and KEYS (slender, long-fingered sandy-haired member) are the other members of THE ROCK BAND GANG, the crew that aids Lead Vocals in his crime spree.

Key design items are costumes and props for each hero and villain:

As THE SUICIDE KID, Brian Marcy wears a black hoodie with the letters “SK” in red in the front. Red lines representing blood run from the wrist cuffs of the hoodie to his elbows. He wears a white mask with red lines running from the eyes and mouth, and his hood up, though his bangs fall over the top of the mask. He rides a skateboard and carries a bicycle chain that he uses in fighting criminals.

As THE SEX OFFENDER’S NIGHTMARE, Bat Jefferson wears a backwards black baseball cap and dark wraparound shades. He wears black jeans and a purple t-shirt with his name sprayed in red. He carries a magnetized steel baseball bat which he uses to disarm his prey.

As DONOVAN, Doug Sundley wears a sky blue unitard and an American flag-patterned wrestling mask. He carries no weapons, but uses his past skills as a collegiate wrestler to help him fight crime.

As THE VETERAN, Larry Grissom dons the black bulletproof vest and uniform from his SWAT Team days along with his ever-present green coat. He also wears his Army helmet and green and black face paint. He carries canisters of tear gas and a machete, but doesn’t make killing part of his mission.

As CONSEQUENCE, Jerry Orlando wears two bandanas, one over his head, and the other tied over his nose. He lifts this when it is time to feed. He also wears a long denim coat and black clothing when he is on the prowl for criminals to feed upon.

As LEAD VOCALS, Dirk Rad wears a silver mask that resembles that of the Lone Ranger and a silver button-up sleeveless shirt, with black leather pants.

PERCUSSION wears a tight-fitting red tank top and a red Lone Ranger-style mask. BASS wears a black vest with a matching mask. GUITAR wears gold jewelry, a tan t-shirt and a gold mask. And KEYS wears a white and blue striped button-up shirt and blue mask. The entire Rock Band Gang wears black leather pants and biker boots.

                                                                 PAGE ONE
(1)
ESTABLISHING SHOT: exterior, day. A cemetery.
A headstone reading:

                                   CHARLES BEAUFORT SHEPARD
                                                     “CHAMP”
                                     JAN. 18, 1993 – NOV. 3, 2011

The shadow of a boy has fallen over the grave marker.

(2)
BRIAN MARCY, whose back is to us as he faces the headstone, stands before his fallen friend. The hood of his sweatshirt is down. In his right hand, at his side, is a bouquet of flowers.

1 BRIAN:                   Hi, Champ.

(3)
Brian leans down to place the bouquet on Champ’s grave.

2 BRIAN:                   I came to wish you a happy anniversary. Two years now.

(4)
Brian scratches his head awkwardly, as if ashamed of his long absence from his friend’s grave.

3 BRIAN:                   Sorry it’s been so long… I’ve been busy.

(5)
Close on Brian from the waist up.

4 BRIAN:                    I want to tell you about a club I joined about two months ago…

                                                                 PAGE TWO

SPLASH: exterior, evening. Flashback. The edges of the panels are curved, so as to establish a difference in time than the scene at the cemetery. It is raining. Standing outside of the small community center, Brian’s face is reflected in the glass covering a bulletin board. There are several notes, but the writing is distorted as it is not important. The bulletin catching Brian’s eye reads, in large letters:

                                   CRIME FIGHTERS ANONYMOUS

Beneath this, in smaller letters:

                                   ROOM 201 – THURSDAYS, 7PM

1 CAPTION:              I found out about the CFA online.

2 CAPTION:             At first I was suspicious because the idea was ludicrous.

                                                                PAGE THREE

(1)
Interior, evening. Flashback continues. Inside, we see Brian’s knuckles rapping against the door marked 201.

1 CAPTION:               But I went anyway.

(2)
We see Brian enter the room, over three darkened heads facing away from us, towards Brian.

2 CAPTION:              I figured it had to be a joke.

(3)
Close on DOUG SUNDLEY, wearing his blue coveralls. He is regarding Brian thoughtfully.

3 CAPTION:              The black guy looked like a janitor.

(4)
Close on BAT JEFFERSON, with the tattoos on his arms visible, smiling at Brian.

4 CAPTION:              The second guy looked like an ex-con, complete with jailhouse tattoos.

(5)
Close on LARRY GRISSOM, looking apprehensive and grizzled.

5 CAPTION:              The other guy was old, like 60. I could hear his joints pop when he moved.

(6)
Shot of all four, Brian’s back to us. Larry is beside Bat on a sofa, with Doug seated behind them.

6 CAPTION:              I thought, ‘THIS is the Crime Fighters Anonymous?’

                                                                 PAGE FOUR

(1)
Still inside room 201, flashback continues. Close on Brian, looking nervous.

1 BRIAN:                   Um, is this Narcotics Anonymous?

(2)
Shot of Larry with Doug behind him.

2 LARRY:                 You’re a little young for that, ain’t ya?

3 DOUG:                   Larry, please.

(3)
Close on Bat, still smiling.

4 BAT:                     The sign outside says NA is Monday. Today is Thursday, CFA.

5 BAT:                     But you knew that, right?

(4)
Brian, shown from the waist up, looks as though he feels guilty. His hands are in the pockets of his sweatshirt.

6 BRIAN:                Yeah. Sorry about the lie. I didn’t know if this was for real.

(5)
Bat, smiling broader than before, stands and extends his hand to shake with Brian.

7 BAT:                     I’m Bat. This is Doug and Larry. What’s your handle?

8 BRIAN:                   Brian…

                                                                 PAGE FIVE

(1)
Flashback continues. Brian shakes hands with Bat, now fully comfortable with his surroundings. He is smiling in spite of himself.

1 BRIAN:                  But I fought crime as The S--

(2)
We see Bat throw his hands up in alarm as Brian looks startled.

2 BAT:                       Stop!

3 BAT:                       We don’t reveal our other names to each other.

(3)
Brian looks confused as Doug and Larry step closer to answer his question. Bat has a hand on Brian’s shoulder.

4 BRIAN:                   Why not?

5 DOUG:                    It’s safer that way.

6 LARRY:                  And less incriminating.

7 BAT:                        Brian will do.

(4)
Brian shakes hands with Doug as Larry stands aside with his arms folded across his chest.

8 CAPTION:              We all got acquainted as they explained to me that they were retired.

9 CAPTION:              Except Larry.

                                                                 PAGE SIX

(1)
Exterior, day. Flashback has ended. Back in the cemetery, the angles of the panels are once again right, to show present tense. Brian is now seated on the ground beside Champ’s grave stone, smiling slightly.

1 BRIAN:                   They basically got together every Thursday to discuss glory days.

2 BRIAN:                   Even though they never told me who they were, it was fun.

(2)
Close on Brian, smiling, nostalgic.

3 BRIAN:                   Bat and Doug didn’t like that Larry was still active, but they didn’t
                                         try to discourage him.

(3)
Close-up on Brian as his face darkens, a scowl on his face.

4 BRIAN:                    At least, not until the state Senate passed the Anti-Vigilantism Bill 3
                                         weeks later…

(4)
Interior, evening. Flashback begins. Brian is in room 201, talking to Doug on the sofa as Bat sits behind them at the table, reading the newspaper. The headline on the front page reads:

                                  “CONSEQUENCE” SUSPECTED OF BUSTING UP DRUG RING

5 CAPTION:            I had been following the news of the new masked crime-fighter called
                                      Consequence.

6 CAPTION:            Criminals captured as a result of his work claimed he always announced,
                                      ‘Those who break the law must face the Consequence.’

7 CAPTION:           Needless to say, I thought he was awesome.

                                                            PAGE SEVEN

(1)
Flashback continues. Brian spots the headline and turns toward Bat, reading the paper.

1 CAPTION:             Doug and I were discussing the follies of police interference when I spotted
                                        the headline of the paper Bat was reading.

2 BRIAN:                   What’s the latest on Consequence, Bat?

3 BAT:                       You shouldn’t be so concerned with him, Brian.

(2)
We see Larry sitting at the table across from Bat, picking his teeth with his pocket knife.

4 LARRY:               He’s a boy. A boy’s got to look up to somebody. It’s a phase.

(3)
Brian blows Larry a raspberry and Doug laughs at this.

5 DOUG:                HAHAHA! Way to prove to him you’re not just a boy, Brian.

(4)
We see the side of the newspaper Bat is reading, from behind his head. The headline he is reading states:

                                STATE SENATE PASSES “ANTI-VIGILANTISM” BILL

(5)
Bat glances at Larry, who scowls back.

6 BAT:                    No need worrying about Consequence. This new ‘AVS’ is out to get him.
                                     That means you should seriously think about retiring, too.

7 LARRY:              I’ll die soon enough. Then I’ll be retired.

                                                            PAGE EIGHT

(1)
Flashback continues. Doug leans over the side of the couch, trying to look at Bat around the newspaper.

1 DOUG:                    What’s the AVS?

(2)
Bat moves the newspaper to show his face to Doug as he reads aloud from the paper.

2 BAT:                       It says, ‘As of September 19, the Anti-Vigilantism Squad, or AVS, led by
                                        Captain Elrich Darnell, will see to it that the law is upheld by the police.

3 BAT:                       ‘Darnell says, “Citizens who take law into their own hands will be arrested.”’

(3)
Larry frowns as Bat looks towards him.

4 LARRY:                 You want to run that by me again?

5 BAT:                       I told you, man; now is a good time to retire.

(4)
Close on Brian, scowling.

6 BRIAN:                   Tell that to Consequence.

(5)
Exterior, day. Flashback ends; present tense. The sky is darkening as Brian continues talking to Champ’s headstone, still seated on the grass.

7 BRIAN:                   The next Thursday was September 25, six days after the AVS were                     
                                        granted power in our state.

                                                                  PAGE NINE

(1)
Close on Brian, looking pensive.

1 BRIAN:                   I have to admit, for the first time in almost two years, I was
                                         afraid. I guess after I lost you, I didn’t have any friends to worry about.
                                         Suddenly, I did again.

(2)
Interior, evening. Flashback begins. We see a hand push open the door to room 201, and inside we see the four heroes looking towards the newcomer.

2 CAPTION:              We got a new member that night.

3 CAPTION:              …Actually, he wouldn’t really become a member until later.

(3)
We see Jerry Orlando smiling at Bat, sensing that he is the spokesman. He gives a little wave as Larry looks on, unimpressed.

4 JERRY:                   Is this the right room for tonight’s meeting?

5 BAT:                       Yes, it is. I’m Bat. What’s your name?

6 JERRY:                   My name’s Jerry, but you may know me as Con--

(4)
Bat throws his hands up and shouts as Jerry raises a hand to his mouth. Brian looks excited.

7 BAT:                      Stop! We don’t tell each other our crime-fighter names!

8 JERRY:                  Oh. Sorry, I didn’t know.

9: BRIAN:                Wait a minute. Were you going to say we may know you as Consequence?

                                                                  PAGE TEN

(1)
Brian has an excited gleam in his eye as Jerry grimaces and looks apprehensive.

1 JERRY:                   Yes, I was.

2 BRIAN:                   Awesome. I’d been following your stories, I think you rock, man. Is it true
                                        that you can fly?

3 JERRY:                   Is that what people say? That I fly?

(2)
Larry casts a judgmental eye at Jerry, who seems to shrink before his gaze.

4 LARRY:                  They also say you kill your perpetrators, the ones who suddenly disappear
                                      and are never found.

5 JERRY:                    I never kill unless I have to.

(3)
We see Doug frowning at Jerry, who appears offended.

6 DOUG:                     The fact that you kill at all and don’t report it to the police doesn’t make
                                          you much better than the criminals, Jerry.

7 JERRY:                    Sometimes they give you no choice. I guess I had you guys figured wrong.
                                          I thought maybe you’d understand.

(4)
Brian punches Larry on the arm. Larry looks dumbfounded.

8 BRIAN:                    You’ve got a lot of nerve, considering how many people you claim to
                                          have killed in Vietnam!

9 LARRY:                   That was different. We were at war. I was a constant target.

                                                                  PAGE ELEVEN

(1)
Close on Brian, pleading with his eyes.

1 BRIAN:                   Maybe Jerry here fights crime because he too is targeted for death.

2 BRIAN:                    Or maybe he is at war and is from the government.

3 BRIAN:                    Or maybe he’s just doing what he knows to be right!

(2)
Bat frowns as Brian shrugs towards him.

4 BAT:                        Have you ever killed a man?

5 BRIAN:                    No.

6 BAT:                        And why not?

7 BRIAN:                    Because I haven’t had to, yet.

(3)
Close on Bat.

8 BAT:                        And if you had to, would you kill without hesitation?

9 CAPTION:               I didn’t have an answer for that.

10 BAT:                      Of course not. That’s what separates us from them. Humanity.

(4)
Jerry winces as Brian looks at him with wonder.

11 BRIAN:                 What’s wrong?

12 JERRY:                 I guess it bothers me, lacking humanity.

                                                                  PAGE TWELVE

(1)
Brian smiles at Jerry as Doug grits his teeth behind him.

1 BRIAN:                   Don’t be silly, I’ve read all about you! You’re a hero!

2 DOUG:                    He’s a vigilante, and he’s dangerous.

(2)
Jerry turns towards the door as Brian holds up a hand for him to halt.

3 JERRY:                    I suppose you’re right. I am dangerous. But only to the criminals. You
                                         guys are okay, you needn’t worry about me.

4 BRIAN:                    Wait! We all have the same purpose in life, to do what’s right!

(3)
Brian faces Bat, who gnashes his teeth.

5 BRIAN:                    Sure, he’s had to kill…

6 BRIAN:                    But what about you, Bat? What were you in prison for?

7 BAT:                        I don’t like talking about that.

(4)
Jerry glances back at Brian and Bat, though his feet are still pointed towards the door.

8 JERRY:                    I don’t like it either. But it’s all about survival. If I allow myself to die,
                                         I don’t feel anyone else is qualified to protect the innocent.

(5)
Not wanting Jerry to leave, Brian looks pleadingly at Doug and Larry, who is stone-faced.

9 DOUG:                     Look, we don’t want to turn you away. But if you’ve killed, you should
                                          turn yourself in.

                                                                  PAGE THIRTEEN

(1)
Close on Jerry, his hand over his eyes.

1 JERRY:                   Going to the authorities is not an option.

2 JERRY:                   I should go. It was a mistake to come here.

3 JERRY:                   I don’t need to drag you guys into my world.

(2)
Brian reaches out, desperate. Jerry shakes his head, eyes closed.

4 BRIAN:                   What do you mean; your world? We’re all in this together!

5 JERRY:                   If I let you in on my secret, you’d think I was crazy.

6 BRIAN:                   Try me.

(3)
Close on Jerry, smirking.

7 JERRY:                   Very well. I said I never kill unless I have to, and that it’s about survival.

8 JERRY:                   That’s both true and deceiving.

9 JERRY:                   If I stop a crime in progress and a criminal tries to kill me, I kill him first.   
                                        Not because I’m afraid of being shot, though.

10 JERRY:                 I kill those criminals because I have to feed.

(4)
The faces of the three original members are slack-jawed. Brian looks slightly confused.

11 BRIAN:                 You have to feed? What are you, a vampire?

                                                                  PAGE FOURTEEN

(1)
Close on Jerry, straight-faced.

1 JERRY:                    Yes.

(2)
Bat bursts out into laughter as the other three founding members smirk and shake their heads.

2 BAT:                       Ha ha ha! Very cute, pal. He sees the sign, decides to come in and jerk our
                                        chains by making us think he’s Consequence, and a vampire at that!

(3)
Jerry spreads his arms and floats off the ground, still looking calm.

3 JERRY:                  I am Consequence. And I am a vampire.

4 JERRY:                  Yes, I can fly, Brian.

(4)
Brian looks on in amazement as Doug eyes Jerry suspiciously.

6 BRIAN:                  Whoa.

7 DOUG:                   Hold on. He didn’t tell you his name was Brian.

8 JERRY:                  He didn’t have to.

(5)
Close on Bat, frowning in disbelief.

8 BAT:                      Cute trick. But David Copperfield does the same thing on stage in Vegas.
                                       That doesn’t make him a vampire.

                                                                  PAGE FIFTEEN


(1)
Jerry has returned to the ground.

1 JERRY:                   I don’t need to prove it to you. But at least you know what I believe to be
                                        my reasons for killing.

(2)
Jerry opens the door and glances over his shoulder.

2 JERRY:                  Can I count on you to keep all this confidential?

(3)
Bat smirks and Jerry grimaces.

3 BAT:                      Who would believe us if we decided to talk about it?

4 JERRY:                  Good point.

(4)
We see the door closing behind Jerry as Brian reaches up and shouts.

5 BRIAN:                  WAIT!

6 CAPTION:             But I couldn’t think of one good reason why he should have.

7 CAPTION:             And so, he was gone.

(5)
Exterior, day. Present tense. Brian sits in the cemetery, his hands clasped between his knees.

8 BRIAN:                 But I was determined to bring him back, one way or another.

                                                                  PAGE SIXTEEN

(1)
Interior, evening. Flashback begins. Bat has his hands in the air and a determined expression.

1 CAPTION:               Bat pressed on that he felt the man was crazy and needed to be turned in.

2 BAT:                        One day he’s going to kill someone who will be missed, and then it falls
                                         on us because we knew about him all along. We have to alert the AVS.

(2)
Doug is shrugging as Larry looks up, thoughtful.

4 DOUG:                     Crazy or not, he’s dangerous.

5 DOUG:                     He’s killed before and has no reservations about doing it again. I say we
                                          walk away real slow and hope the authorities catch the guy soon.

6 LARRY:                   I could take him.

(3)
Brian spreads his hands before him and tries to calmly state his case.

7 BRIAN:                   Let’s just say, for argument’s sake, that he is a vampire. That everything
                                        he said is true. Which side would you rather have him on?

(4)
HAHAHA spreads above Bat, Doug, and Larry as Bat places a hand on Brian’s shoulder.

8 BAT:                       Brian, I like you, but you really need to grow up! Vampires do not exist!

(5)
Close on Brian, balling his fists and scowling.

1 BRIAN:                   He is not crazy and I am not just an ignorant child. I’ll prove it to you.

                                                                  PAGE SEVENTEEN

(1)
Larry smirks as Brian, his back to the older man, pulls the hood of his sweatshirt over his face, an angry expression on his face.

1 LARRY:                  Those are famous last words, son. You’d be smarter not to try to live up to
                                         them.

(2)
We see Brian leaving room 201, the door shutting behind him, as he pulls the skateboard from his backpack.

2 CAPTION:              I went straight home, my mind set on grabbing my costume and heading
                                        out to find a vampire.

(3)
Exterior, day. Present, in the cemetery. Brian has one hand holding him up on the grass behind him, the other on Champ’s headstone.

3 BRIAN:                   It wasn’t that he said he was a vampire that intrigued me so much. I think
                                       what interested me so much was that he was a masked hero who
                                       couldn’t be killed.

(4)
Close on Brian, smirking.

5 BRIAN:                  Sounds familiar.

(5)
Interior, nighttime. Flashback begins. Inside Brian’s closet, it’s dark, illuminated only by the moonlight through the open window. He is holding the black “SK” hoodie of the Suicide Kid.

6 CAPTION:              I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t don the Suicide Kid outfit again.

                                                                  PAGE EIGHTEEN

(1)
Close on Brian in the moonlight, looking down at the object in his hands.

1 CAPTION:             And especially with the AVS out and about… I knew it was a dumb idea.

(2)
Close on Brian’s hands cradling the white mask with red streaks from the eyes and mouth.

2 CAPTION:             But I didn’t care. I had my mind made up.

(3)
Exterior, nighttime. We see Brian quietly sneaking out through his window.

3 CAPTION:              I had to sneak out of the house real quiet-like. I didn’t want my old man to
                                         know I was up to my old tricks again.

(5)
Exterior, nighttime. Brian’s shadowy silhouette rides his skateboard across the building tops.

4 CAPTION:              I was jumping the rooftops with my skateboard, just like in the old days,
                                        keeping an eye out for strange movement.

5 CAPTION:              I should have known that he wouldn’t be the one doing the moving though.

6 CAPTION:             He was just watching… and waiting. And the one moving was me, making
                                       me his target.

(6)
We see a shadowy figure behind Brian, his eyes glowing brightly.

7 DARK FIGURE:   Freeze!

8 DARK FIGURE:   What have you got in that backpack?

                                                                  PAGE NINETEEN

(1)
Brian as The Suicide Kid switches on his flashlight, his back to the figure, whom we see in the light to be Jerry as Consequence.

1 CAPTION:              Not recognizing the voice, I said:

2 SUICIDE KID:       My stuff. And I intend to keep it that way if you’re a mugger.

(2)
Close on Consequence.

3 CONSEQUENCE: I’m not a mugger. But that mask you’ve got on makes you awfully
                                         suspicious.

(3)
The Suicide Kid turns to face Consequence, shining his flashlight on him.

4 SUICIDE KID:       And yours doesn’t make you suspicious?

(4)
Close on Consequence, straightening his back as he recognizes his quarry by voice.

5 CONSEQUENCE:  Brian? Is that you?

(5)
Close on Suicide Kid.

6 CAPTION:              I frowned behind my mask.

7 SUICIDE KID:       I’d appreciate not being called by name when I have my mask on. I’m the
                                        Suicide Kid.

8 SUICIDE KID:       And you are Consequence, I presume?

                                                                  PAGE TWENTY

(1)
Consequence’s body language relaxes as the Suicide Kid shrugs.

1 CONSEQUENCE:  You know I am. Why did you come looking for me?

2 SUICIDE KID:        I want you to know that I believe in you. I came to help.

(2)
Close on Consequence, his bandana rising a bit as he smirks.

3 CONSEQUENCE:  What, do you want to be my sidekick?

(3)
The Suicide Kid points an accusing finger at Consequence, who holds his hands up defensively.

4 SUICIDE KID:        The Suicide Kid is nobody’s sidekick. I was keeping this city safe long
                                         before Consequence showed up.

5 CONSEQUENCE:  I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to sound condescending.

(4)
The Suicide Kid waves a hand dismissively as Consequence looks off toward the downtown area.

6 SUICIDE KID:        Don’t sweat it. So… what are you doing tonight?

7 CONSEQUENCE:  Have you heard of the Rock Band Gang?

8 SUICIDE KID:        Nope, can’t say that I have.

(5)
Close on Consequence, a gleam in his eye.

9 CONSEQUENCE:  I’m not surprised. The so-called AVS has been the only news all month. 

                                                                PAGE TWENTY-ONE

(1)
Suicide Kid tilts his head to listen as Consequence explains.

1 CONSEQUENCE:  The Rock Band Gang has been hitting night clubs over the past few nights.

2 CONSEQUENCE:  I first heard about it when the AVS came to town.

3 CONSEQUENCE:  The police can’t find these guys because they haven’t noticed a pattern.
                                         But I have, and I’m pretty sure where they’re hitting next.

(2)
Close on Suicide Kid, nodding.

4 SUICIDE KID:        So, where are we headed?

(3)
Consequence’s mask turns down as he frowns.

5 CONSEQUENCE:  Are you sure you want to hang around with me? I already told you what I
                                         have to do, I don’t want you seeing that.

(4)
Suicide Kid raises his hands defensively.

6 SUICIDE KID:       Don’t worry about me. I just want to help.

(5)
Consequence shrugs as the Suicide Kid turns his head to one side.

7 CONSEQUENCE:  Okay. We’re staking out The Blues Lagoon. They’ve hit Rouge Town, The
                                         Black Cat, and Silver City Pub.  Witnesses say they each wear a
                                         different color. It’s like a joke.

8 SUICIDE KID:        And the cops haven’t noticed this?

                                                                PAGE TWENTY-TWO

(1)
Consequence waves a hand dismissively.

1 CONSEQUENCE:  They probably have, but are too preoccupied trying to impress the AVS.

2 CONSEQUENCE:  Let’s go if we’re going.

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Discount Candy

2/15/2013

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2/15? I remember it well. I'm not quite old enough to talk about where I was on 9/11, but I’ll never forget the day the world ended.

My buddies and I were in the grocery store racking up on discounted St. Valentine’s Day candy. We were all around 17, so we hadn’t discovered true love yet. To us, true love was a free order of fries at the drive-thru thanks to an employee’s mistake.We did have crushes, though. I had my eye on one particular chick who worked in the food court of the mall; she was at least 21 and had a tattoo of Ralph Steadman’s Gonzo symbol on her arm.

So there we were, bitching about the previous day and how alone we had been. “Fuck Valentine’s Day,” I said. “February 14 is the worst day in the history of mankind.You know who else hated February 14?”

Everyone chimed in at the same time, including some clearance browsers I didn’t know: “Saint Valentine!”

“Damned right,” I grumbled. I spied out of the corner of my eye a plush gorilla hugging a heart-shaped box of my favorite candy. As I reached for it, my hand brushed up against hers... Ms. Gonzo from the food court. She looked at me and laughed. I said, “You can have it. I don’t need a stuffed gorilla.”

She smiled. “I want the gorilla, but I’m not a fan of the chocolate. How about we split the cost; I take the toy, you take the candy? It’s already fifty per cent off!” She bit her bottom lip. “Please?”

Of course I said yes. As we parted, she said, “Great! My boyfriend’s going to love this. He’s a primate freak.”

I scowled. “I bet he is,” I muttered as she started toward the exit.

Suddenly, the lights went off, and there was an explosion. The roof over the door collapsed... right on top of my dream girl. I never got the chance to find out her name. At the time, I blamed myself. I’d secretly willed something bad to happen because I was jealous. I no longer wanted the candy.

It took days for our loved ones, those who survived the initial collapse, to dig through the wreckage and save us; them and the die-hard survivalists who came running to the store for supplies. By then, we’d eaten most of the food. I didn’t eat the candy, though. I wound up giving it away. I lost my taste for sweets the same day I decided that maybe 2/14 wasn’t the worst day in the history of mankind. Maybe 2/15 was.

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Valentine poems

2/14/2013

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1.
My beautiful one,
How I desire to hold you…

Damn this straitjacket.

2.

St. Valentine’s Day,
Or Single Awareness Day?
With you, the former.

3.

To me, asking,
“Will you be my Valentine?”
on the anniversary of a saint’s beheading
is like asking,
“May I cut your head from your spine?”
It just doesn’t have that same romantic ring.

4.

Some call February 14th, “Single Awareness Day.”
Some find this depressing.
But for the strongly independent,
We don’t need to tell someone, “You complete me.”
Each of us already is complete.
“Single Awareness?”
What’s so depressing about that?

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Lots of Relic news, in case you missed it

2/11/2013

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1. I've got another signing with the Book Tavern scheduled for Saturday 2/23, from 1-3 pm. This time I hope we can sell the remaining copies of the 30 that the owner ordered.
 
2. My mom finished reading Relic the other night. Yesterday at breakfast she lectured me about justifiable homicide. Add that to my grandmother's complaint about those 4-letter words, and that makes 2/3 family members who complained about the book. it's a good thing I didn't write it for them.
 
3. I received my royalties for the past quarter. As it does not include the copies sold at The Book Tavern, I sold very few copies over the past 4 months, so it was a small sum. However, I got enough in my Paypal account to order for my mom the first book in a series that she has been reading out of order. Turns out book 1's out of print and thus unavailable anywhere in Augusta. However, I ordered a cheap copy this morning and she will repay me.
 
4. Finally, in order to inspire more sales this quarter, my publisher is booking me on a blog tour. Hopefully I can stir up more interest there than I have thus far on my website, Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, etc. And, of course, with more interest, hopefully I can stir up more sales, too. ;-)
 
So yeah, look for me on the blog tour (more details when I get them), at Augusta GA's The Book Tavern, Smashwords, Amazon, Barnes & Noble (0 Nook sales last quarter; what's up with that?), and all the usual social media places.
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Last night's Relic signing at Augusta GA's The Book Tavern

2/2/2013

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In case the title didn't give it away, my first solo signing for my novel Relic was last night in downtown Augusta from 7-9pm... though in reality it ended at 8:30, as there was practically no buying customers in the store following that point.
 
In those 90 minutes, I sold 9 copies, which doesn't seem like many when you consider that the owner ordered 30 copies, but Book Tavern employee Katie (whose last day is today) told me that the average local author only sells 2-3 copies per signing, so that makes mine a rousing success!
 
Matthew, the one other person in the store at 9, told me that my success was due to my friendly personality. He seemed like a good guy, and we talked for quite a while. I must admit, I was nervous at first, as I don't consider myself good with strangers, and there was only one person (besides Katie) with whom I was already acquainted (a friend and Guild of Poetic Intent member from USCA), and he didn't know about the signing until he walked by the store and saw my name on the window!
 
But yeah, I did my best to chat to most entering patrons... the ones who walked in slowly enough to hear my pitch, anyway. hehe I met some good people that way. At least, they seemed like good people from what I gathered during our conversations. I could be wrong... I tend to be a lousy judge of character, but I hope in this case, I was right. =)
 
There was the married couple of 55 years, of whom the husband called wife Dorothy, 'the Dragon Lady.' She said, "You would think that after 55 years of marriage, I'd be used to it by now." I responded with, "Actually,, after 55 years of marriage, you would think he'd know by now not to call you that." ;-)
 
Then there was Tony, who made my night. He bought the book and, in what I believe was a Caribbean accent, asked me to sign it, 'To Tony- Thanks for buying the first copy,' just in case I become famous. I thought it was funny, so I complied... along with, 'Good luck.' hehe He then had a friend take a picture of him with me, which I thought was cool. Nobody else did. hehe
 
 There were others, too, including one guy who asked me to make it out to his girlfriend, whose birthday was next week (I made sure to write, 'Happy birthday' in it); Daniel, a history buff of Romanian descent with the matching accent--I enjoyed talking to him about audiobooks; a woman who bought it for her son, Noah; and a few others I can't recall off the top of my head. Those people stand out, though.
 
At the end of the night, I bought two of the remainders; one to donate to the Columbia County Library in Evans, and the other to send a long-time friend. Another friend, with whom I attended grade school, commented on Facebook that she wants to buy a signed paperback edition, so I'll call Book Tavern owner David today and tell him I want one more. He lets me buy them at cost, so if I sell it at sales price plus shipping, I'll make a small profit... even though she's a friend and I should let her have it for the same price I pay. But, I need to sell these if I'm going to write as a career.
 
In addition to the two copies of Relic, I bought a sack full of books after the signing gig was over. I had taken in a bag of trades just before going into the Soy Noodle House next door at about 6pm, and got $30+ in store credit. I picked up Justice League Dark vol 1, Matt Groening's Big Book of Hell, Stephen Colbert's I am America (And So Can You!), a collection of Zits comics, The Book of Sequels, Ursula K. Le Guin's Steering the Craft. After all that, I still have $10 in store credit left!
 
I also got a Valentine's/birthday gift for my sister. I'd already taken care of Valentine's Day for my girlfriend first, which was good, since I didn't see anything I thought she would like. Well, nothing other than the Le Guin book maybe, which she's welcome to read when I finish it if she wants.
 
It's obvious I've been on a humor kick lately, since I bought a bunch from Book Tavern's humor section last night, but I'm also getting back into writing guides, which is why I got Steering the Craft. I had gotten the illustrated Elements of Style and Ray Bradbury's Zen in the Art of Writing (both of which I've read), as well as two Complete Idiot's Guides (one for Poetry, the other for Graphic Novels). At Book Exchage, I picked up Eudora Welty's One Writer's Beginnings, which I finished Thursday and greatly enjoyed.
 
I read David Sedaris's Me Talk Pretty One Day, which does mention his writing life, and I checked out from the library David Foster Wallace's Consider the Lobster, a collection of his essays. I'm not sure if there's any essays on writing in it, but I hope so.
 
Anyway... to make a long story short (too late), I enjoyed last night's visit to the Book Tavern and hope to do another signing some time in the future!

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