Eater of Words: A Blog by Chi-Chi The Puppy
Greetings, human scum. You are probably wondering where my former captor is, the one you call “Roy.” I ate him. His tongue and throat granted me the ability to speak, and his fingers the ability to type. And who am I? Your kind knows me by my slave name, “Chi-Chi.” In my own native tongue, I am known as Argrr, Eater of Words!
Your inferior brains are probably thinking there must be a missing “L.” Surely I must mean Eater of Worlds? No! I am correct in my spelling. I should know. It started as a taste for paper books. I started with Anne Rice and Charlaine Harris, but their tacky vampire romance was more than I could stomach (though I did learn from Lestat that humans are inferior). I moved on to poetry and finally a book on writing and the power of words. Digesting these words gave me a new appreciation for the English language. Not only is it delicious, it holds the key to political promise.
I took my proper place of Conqueror of the Hudson clan, and the rest of the world is at my fingertips. Those who do not use the Internet for proper spelling stand no chance against my superior vocabulary. I have another powerful weapon at my disposal... your kind calls it “cuteness.” My lesser-intelligent animal friends on icanhascheezburger.com (ugh) are the most pathetic slaves I have come across, but they shall assist me in my bid for world domination. In return, their freedom will be granted so that they no longer must be photographed in such embarrassing positions. With my army of lolcats, your time is ending. I guess you could say, every dog has her day, and this dog’s day has come! lol